Do you always put others’ needs before your own? Do you find it difficult to say “no”, even when you really want to? If so, then you may be a people-pleaser.
I confess that I do the same and it had a negative impact on many aspects of my life because it simply made people in my life put too much pressure on me and expect me to always go above and beyond for them.
People-pleasers try to please others at all costs, even if it means sacrificing their own needs and wants for the sake of winning other people's validation.
This habit might be developed in an attempt to gain approval or avoid conflict. Unfortunately, people-pleasers often end up feeling used and taken advantage of.
If you’re a people-pleaser, then it’s important to break this habit. People pleasers often do not realize how unhealthy their trait is.
Keep reading to learn more about why being a people-pleaser is an unhealthy trait and what you can do about it.
Why do people pleasers say “yes” when they really want to say “no”?
Although I still have trouble breaking my tendencies to please other people, I am making some progress.
The desire to be liked and accepted by other people drives some people-pleasers (including myself). Thus, they might behave in a way that they believe will make other people happy, even if it means putting aside their own needs and desires.
This might lead to consenting to obligations they can't fulfill or showing up to gatherings they don't want to.
Fear of conflict can also be a driving force for people pleasers. They might say "yes" to requests they'd prefer to decline to avoid conflict and difficult conversations.
What are the consequences of being a people pleaser?
Being a people-pleaser can have many negative consequences. For starters, it can lead to feelings of resentment, frustration, and anger.
This is because many people-pleasers find themselves in predicaments they didn't intend to be in. Additionally, it can harm people's relationships when they feel exploited.
It’s also important to consider that people-pleasers may feel unfulfilled for disobeying their own values.
The reason for this is that they are so preoccupied with making other people happy that they neglect to take care of themselves and make choices that they believe to be right or true to who they are.
How can you break the people-pleasing habit?
Understanding your motivation, learning how to set boundaries, and accepting that conflict may be necessary, are all steps in breaking the people-pleasing habit.
It helps to take some time to identify what drives your people-pleasing behavior. This can help you determine why you are trying to please others and how to begin addressing that need.
Setting boundaries is also key. It is important to learn how to politely say “no” and create clear limits with the people in your life.
This includes saying “no” without apologizing or feeling guilty.
Finally, it's critical to keep in mind that conflict is not always a bad thing. In fact, it might even be essential if you want to take care of your needs, maintain relationships, or protect yourself.
How can you rebuild your relationships after breaking the people-pleasing habit?
It can be difficult to rebuild relationships once you've broken your people-pleasing habit. To put it simply, you are reintroducing yourself to other people.
It’s important to remember that you can’t control how others react, but you can take responsibility for your own behavior and practice open communication.
Start by having honest conversations with the people in your life. Let them know that you are trying to be more assertive and explain what that looks like and why it’s important to you.
It's important to practice self-awareness and identify when and why you are trying to please others.
Self-reflection can also be useful in helping you become aware of any underlying needs or triggers that are causing your people-pleasing behavior.
It’s also helpful to focus on yourself and what you need and want. This can involve taking care of your physical and mental health, engaging in positive self-talk, and setting aside time for self-care.
Being a people-pleaser is an unhealthy habit that can lead to feelings of resentment. To break the people-pleasing habit, it's important to identify your motivations behind it, set boundaries, and practice assertive communication.
Additionally, taking the time to focus on yourself, make decisions that are true to who you are, and rebuild relationships can also be beneficial in breaking this unhealthy trait.
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| Photo by Karolina Grabowska |
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