The other day I saw a post on Twitter (now known as X) that had a compilation of videos showing parents supposedly being tired of gentle parenting with their kids and resorting to yelling at them or kicking their toys away! Describing it as the only way to deal with children! All of the kids were clearly scared and one of them was visibly shaking.
I was surprised that the post that showed kids being traumatized by their screaming parents, got thousands of likes and replies from people rooting for this behavior calling it the only way to deal with kids.
It made me sad this amount of people actually believe that yelling and screaming is the right way to raise a child. Harsh parenting creates generational trauma but the internet used it to make a "funny" video.
A parent might gain an instant silence when they verbally abuse their children but in the long run, they're teaching this child to fear them when they're supposed to be their source of safety.
Not only this, they teach their children to lie in order to protect themselves from their parents' anger, to be secretive, and to search for love and kindness in other people which might end horribly for the children.
This type of behavior creates generational trauma, when you're out and about you can tell which kids feel safe with their parents and which don't.
I don't have children and never wanted to have children but I was a child myself one day and my childhood made me carry a few traumas and wounds that I still suffer from to this day, many of them could have been avoided if this parenting style wasn't normalized.
Why would a parent who decided to bring this kid into the world do things that traumatize them? Most of them will answer "I was raised like this and I'm fine" but are they really fine? If they're fine why can't they control their anger when they raise a child?
Maybe it's because some toxic parents think they own their children since they "brought them into this world and put a roof over their heads"!
Those parents don't see they're THE adult in this situation, they're supposed to provide comfort, security, and guidance without traumatizing their children.
Most of them think that other people shouldn't have an opinion about their parenting style but when they post freely about it online and normalize this method, shouldn't we at least speak up against it?
A while back there was a trend online where parents crack an egg over their child's forehead! And when people spoke against it they were labeled "too sensitive"!
"Gentle Parenting" shouldn't be something you try to follow a couple of times and then burst into uncontrolled anger!
Children have smaller brains than yours and depend on you for safety and for teaching them how to behave, you can discipline children without anger! People in the comments were proudly saying how they use "the spoon" or "slipper" to make their children "listen".
Parents don't understand they're training their children to misbehave when they aren't looking!
Then fast forward a decade or two, and when these kids grow up, these parents will cry about how much their adult children had no contact with them or at the very best call them once a month, after they engraved fear in their kids' memories, after they were a source of pain instead of protection.
When parents choose this way of "discipline" they're raising children who will limit their potential and creativity, who won't be able to stand up for themselves, and who won't figure out what they want for their future.
These children will have a fear of being seen and heard and they will depend on the wrong things for comfort. Do you want your child to go to bed crying not knowing why they deserved your anger or do you want them to understand why they shouldn't make a certain mistake?
Most people who think that the only way of parenting is instilling fear in their kids are victims of generational trauma themselves, and instead of breaking this cycle, they repeat it. Ask yourself do you want to empower your children or weaken them?
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| Photo by Magnus Mueller |
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